Louis Walsh brain implant rejected, say medics
The heady days of measurable cerebral activity are over for brain implant recipient Louis Walsh, according to Senior Neurologist Willie Bodgem. After several desperate attempts to reconnect disrupted...
View Article'Alzheimer Avoidance' surgery is a scam
The removal of Ozzy Osborne's entire brain in recent ground-breaking 'Alzheimer Avoidance' surgery has been hailed as a stroke of genius. Neurosurgeons worldwide have called the audacious surgery -...
View ArticleQueen's outrageous behaviour threatens monarchy
Highly sensitive information has emerged this week about an alleged 'altercation' between Dame Judi Dench and the Queen.'Serious concerns' about the Monarch's behaviour have been expressed by Prime...
View ArticleHRH, Dame Judi and 007: the story just gets better
A statement issued today by a Palace spokesman has added nothing but confusion to the story of the Queen vs. Dame Judi, or 'Lizziegate' as it is now known. The spokesman denied emphatically that the...
View ArticleWilliam Shatner or Captain Kirk? Turns out he didn't know either
'Trekkies' the world over can barely contain their excitement following a sensational find at a major Hollywood studio this week. Kirk's famous 'Captain's Log', it seems, was a real document. The...
View ArticlePenis dropped off? That won't faze the sea slug
World experts in the field of natural sciences have today been dumbfounded by the sensational news that the sea slug has a detachable penis. This unassuming little critter swims about aimlessly until...
View ArticleCrap Towns attract a range of dodgy characters
Following the dubious award of Top Crap Town UK for the fifth year running, the residents of Baconsthorpe seem to have embraced the notoriety of their depressing abode. Mayor Jimmy (The Knife) Roberto...
View ArticleNeurosurgeon Willie Bodgem flees to Bolivia, but the game is up
Following allegations of catastrophic surgical procedures, detectives at Scotland Yard are anxious to locate Dublin neurosurgeon Willie Bodgem. Managers at Beaumont Hospital have distanced themselves...
View ArticleBrendan Cockup: "Impressive Deception," says PM Cameroon
As detectives continue to pursue Willie Bodgem through the Bolivian outback, Scotland Yard is preparing to send back-up officers to La Paz today. Police throughout the country are struggling to deal...
View ArticleThe Jury is out, but the jurors are clueless
In an unprecedented legal quandary this week, an entire jury was deemed unfit for service and thrown out by the judge. Journalists discarded all courteous behaviour as they shoved, elbowed and kicked...
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